“TIME” to Get Married

Praise the heavens above!

Someone, somewhere created an app that will tell me when to get married as if no one had ever tried to tell me what to do before. Thank goodness for this app because before this point I have been getting my whole life wrong! Finally a machine is making life choices for me. Hopefully flying cars are right around the corner. 

TIME has outdone themselves with their new app that tells you exactly when to tie the noose, I mean the knot. We now have an app that analyzes our Facebook friends to tell us exactly when we should be getting married.  It takes friends who have posted their marital status and looks at the dates of their nuptials to determine how long you have until you’re an old maid. The app gods take the average age and compares it to your pathetic relationship status. I had TIME calculate mine, and it’s at 25.3 years which leaves me 3 months and 16 days to tie the knot. Thankfully our wedding is set to meet that deadline and I had this app or I would have had to reschedule. I will barely make it but think of all the money this app just saved me!

How do you measure up to your Facebook friends? More importantly, who really cares? With all the societal pressure to get married that doesn’t leave much room for real life. So sit back, enjoy whatever relationship status you have and live a little. Make those boring married couples jealous why you are at it.