A Feminist Marriage Reflection

Time flies when you are having fun! At least for myself and my life partner we have had one crazy and adventurous first year of marriage. Last year around this time we shared our special feminist wedding ceremony with the world which we felt needed to be shared. This year to honor our relationship I thought I would share a few things I have learned throughout the last 365 days of matrimony.

A Feminist Reflection:

*Trigger warning: Mention of Partner Violence*

1.) If you’re going to do anything make sure you’re laughing while you’re doing it.

2.) You can’t make anyone happy except yourself. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t be everything to someone else. You can support and love someone to help facilitate their happiness but you can not change their emotions.

3.) Sex it up when you feel like it, not when you think you should be doing it. There is too much pressure to do the deed a certain amount of times a week. Who cares what other people are doing (or saying what they are doing) and figure out what works best for you and your partner. Quality over quantity, I say.

Wedding Photos by: Justine Montigny

4.)  You are going to fight. Perhaps a lot, perhaps every few months. It happens. It’s how we handle the aftermath that really matters. Look into why you are fighting and try to solve the issues. Also keep in mind that some fights are going to get ugly. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve made a mistake or that the love is gone, it just means you will have to do your best to repair the damage afterwards. (Please note: if there is physical violence please seek professional help. Here and here can get you started or feel free to drop me a line and we will sort it out together.)

Our Honeymoon to Rome, Italy. Can you see St. Peter’s in the background?

5.) Accept and navigate all of life’s ups, downs, hurdles, and triumphs together!

6.) Love is a gift. Make sure you are giving it and doing so with positive intent.

7.) Marriage is work. It takes a lot of energy and commitment to have a successful marriage but with dedication from both partners it can be done.

8.) Marriage is a crazy thing, but it’s also extremely fun. There are times when you might not be crazy in love with your partner, but then just when you get worried about losing those loving feelings, they come flooding back. It’s awesome and surprising every time!