Ask A Therapist

Ask A Therapist (Anonymously)

Ask me anything you like and I will answer on the page!

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32 thoughts on “Ask A Therapist”

  1. Samantha,
    I
    feel I’m addicted to the female touch, I’m on a daily bases searching for the perfect massage, erotic, sensual not your everyday massage, no sex.. but NOT your massage parlor type. Easily spending 100’s a month, yes.. married.. no she doesn’t know, this is something I can’t get at home.. is this an addiction or just me seeking what I can’t get at home

  2. Hello!

    Thank you so much for reaching out to me. Since you are doing all this behind your partner’s back, I would suggest reaching out to a helping professional in your area to explore what’s going on. Is it something with you? Or something with your relationship? I’m also concerned you’re not giving the massage therapist the respect that professional deserves by not telling them why you go in. It seems like there is guilt associated with the whole thing.

    If you would like help finding a helping professional in your area, please email: info@samanthaheuwagen.com

    -S

  3. Hi Samantha! It has been 17 hours since I broke up with my first love. He lost my trust in the past and with coming circumstances, the relationship was no longer viable. I knew that it needed to be done but I just cannot help that it just still hurts so much. It’s like you invest so much time and love into a person, thinking that living life without them is impossible, and then one day the impossible becomes possible and you just don’t know what to do. It just seems like it doesn’t matter what anyone says, the hurt I’m feeling is just always going to linger around. Is there anything I could do other than the typical advices you receive from friends and family?

  4. Hello!
    Thank you for reaching out to me. I’m so sorry to hear about your break-up. I might be repeating a few things your loved ones have said, but as a therapist, I would be concerned you aren’t letting yourself feel. You’re going to have to feel your feelings––whatever they may be. You’ll probably go through so many your head will not only hurt but spin somedays. It’s normal, especially until you’ve processed what happened.
    It will hurt––it’ll hurt like hell––for days, maybe even weeks. I would focus on what you can do in the present. Going to work, being with people who love you, and doing a lot (A LOT) of self-care. If you are still hurting after a couple of weeks, I would suggest working with a professional just to get things off your chest and to process what’s happened. You’ve gone through something that is painful, you’re going to have questions and thoughts and intense feelings that your friends and family might not be ready to handle even though they mean well. Talking with a third party that is solely focused on you and your needs, can make this time more bearable. If you need anything further, please do not hesitate to reach out by emailing me. I’d be happy to help in anyway.
    Good luck and I know you will get through this,
    Samantha

  5. Hi I have been facing with the problem Erectile Dysfunction for the last 2 years could you please suggest a therapy or medication

  6. Hello!

    Great question, though for your medication and what have you, you’d need to talk to a medical professional. MFTs do not give out medication, though we know enough to help guide, we never suggest doing anything except talking with your doctor. Some therapists, like myself, work with your doctor to find the best option for you, but we can’t give you medication. As for therapy, you’d want to work with a sex therapist to help you with tips and tricks to live your best life and get you to where you need to be. If you live in the Atlanta area, please don’t hesitate to email me (info@samanthaheuwagen.com) to set up an appointment. If not, please visit psychologytoday.com to get your journey started.
    Good luck!
    Samantha

  7. I am with someone I love very much and want to spend the rest of my life with, but we are complete opposites when it comes to sex. He is very romantic and sweet, whereas I prefer extremely rough or BDSM. Most of the things I want to do are extremely unsettling to him, considering that I was raped twice in the past. He doesn’t want to resemble those people at all, which is understandable and reassuring, but I have never once been completely sexually satisfied (with him or anyone else). I myself don’t really understand why I want some of the things that I want, and he often does things that make him uncomfortable to make me happy. I guess I am asking if it is completely abnormal and unhealthy to want to participate in consensual non consent after being raped. I suspect that it is. However, I have had these fantasies since early childhood, and have never been without them. Do you have any recommendations for reaching a middle ground with my partner?

  8. Hello! Thank you for stopping by! You know I hear this a lot from the clients I work with and it’s hard to navigate but it doesn’t have to be. The first thing I thought of since you mentioned your past trauma is why your partner doesn’t think you know your own mind or what you want? Your past doesn’t have to play a role in what you like sexually, especially if you’ve done the work to process it. I find it odd they are hesitant. To answer your question about what’s normal…I’m afraid I don’t believe in normal, but it sounds like you know what you want which is half the battle. You like what you like–there’s nothing wrong with that.

    If it’s possible, I think you both might need to see a sex therapist together. That way you have a safe place to explore and process what’g going on for the two of you together in a safe and non-judgmental space. If you live in the Metro Atlanta area, I’d be happy to help. If not feel free to email me so I can help you located a professional in your area.

    -S

  9. Is there help for an 87 year old male experiencing daily sexual thoughts and fantasies and the frustrations that follow nearly 11 years of sexual inactivity in a marriage? Can I be helped to stop thinking the thoughts?

  11. Hello I live in the Augusta Ga area, I suffer from Complex PTSD, MDD, and MST, I do dissociate and do abnormal things, I was sexually assaulted as a child and again when I was 17 serving in the Military, I see a Phycologist at the VA who has me on Zoloft 200mg and Abilafy not spelled right I know. My Phycologist sent me outside to a sex therapist the VA could not help me inside anyways that therapist just died of cancer suddenly. now I have no one, I was drugged and sexually assaulted in service along with them setting me up to be killed three times if not for my dog tags I would not be here now, the story is long so Ill get to why I need help I have flashbacks of all of this I am awaken by gun shots and jump from my bed looking for wounds. I dissociate and find myself nude and yes have had people see this, I feel dirty and walk in the woods nude the air against my skin makes me feel clean, try to masterbate to stop it all, sick I know. My therapist had told me I should tell my story as often as I can I told her If I did that then I would dissociate and remove my cloths, she told me to tell them what may happen and get their consent, so I started paying strangers to listen to my story and got their consent if that happen. On top of this all my son died in car wreak at 16 in 2001 then my sister died of over dose, then my brother died of suicide then my nephew was killed in car wreak at 19 in 2016 in the same place my son was killed. Now my daughter has moved to Virginia with all my grandkids and as I type she is in ER in Virginia with abdominal pain and fever, my copping skill is to get nude. What is my next life line cause this one is short.

  12. Hello! Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. If you can travel to Alpharetta weekly, I’d be happy to help. If not, please visit PsychologyToday.com to find another, dare I say, better sex therapist that can work through this–there is hope and you can work through all of it. Don’t hesitate to contact me off the website if you have questions.

  13. My son thinks he wants to become a “Sissy”. He is not sure about his sexuality. would your kind of therapy help him discover if he is transgender, transsexual, or just help him decide? He is 24

  14. I have a very sexually confused son. He has always liked to play make up and dress in females clothing. now that he is an adult he has come to me and told me he wants to be a submissive and want a woman to dominate him into dressing and acting like a women. I am worried and he is sad and confused about himslef. I want to be supportive but dont really know how. I have bought him female clothing, makeup and talked to him about anything he wants to discuse. It hurts me to the bone that he gets so depressed about himself. Would your type of therapy help him discover his true self?

  16. Hello! You’re asking great questions and exploring what all this means for you. What I suggest is for you both to find a therapist to work with to discover how you both can work through what’s going on and help you be supportive. Please don’t hesitate to contact me—-I’d love to help you both in whatever way I can! -Samantha

  17. Hello,

    I’m a 23 yr old person who grew up in a very repressive household where sex was a shameful act. Now that I’m out on my own, I really want to learn how to pleasure myself but the internet is incredibly overwhelming. I dont think I’m ready for toys or anything like that, but I was wondering if you have any resources regarding sexual self-exploration.

  18. Hello and thank you for reaching out. At the top of my head, I don’t have any resources, however, I think if possible working with a trusted mental health professional would be best. I’ve given it some thought and because there’s so many layers to whats going on for you, I think unpacking it safely with someone that can support you through it would be best. If you live in Atlanta, I’d be happy to chat with you further, if not please visit psychologytoday.com to find a helpful profesional in your area. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to discuss more. -S

  22. There is no normal. There is, however, what bothers you and takes you away from other parts of your life. If it’s bothering you, you may want to seek professional help to help process and discover why. Good luck!

  23. Hi..I have one bad sex where could not ejaculate .After that every time I try to do .I get so anxious about performance as rsult go into cycle of anxiety can this reversed

  25. Hi I got married 8 month ago but I been hiding a secret from my wife I like to suck on penis from my best friend I feel guilty about it but I like it I don’t know if I should tell my wife she’s open minded but I just don’t know if I should tell her

  26. Hello! Yes, I think it’s best that you do. You may want to hire a couples therapist to help facilitate the conversation and restore any trust that may have been lost. I would also encourage you to think about attending therapy solo to explore your own sexuality and what it means for your marriage. Best of luck! -S

  27. Hi!
    I am currently applying to the MFT program at Mercer and wondered if I could get your thoughts on how you liked the program and your experience at Mercer! I found your info on Linkedin! 🙂
    My email address is heard.lindsay@gmail.com

    Best,
    Lindsay Heard

  29. hi i’m in my mid 60s no wife or girlfriend in today world i feel it better for me to stay home and not get sick my health is not great but i’m living i masturbate a lot it make me feel good i was wondering i have a small cock is there any sex toy for men who are small like me ?

  30. Thanks for stopping by! Toys are such personal choices and require honest conversations with yourself about what you want. Feel free to check out V for Vibes who offer great options for all your needs! Use SAMANTHA09 for 20% too! Good luck!

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