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Answers So Far..

  • Someone asked:
    I am with someone I love very much and want to spend the rest of my life with, but we are complete opposites when it comes to sex. He is very romantic and sweet, whereas I prefer extremely rough or BDSM. Most of the things I want to do are extremely unsettling to him, considering that I was raped twice in the past. He doesn't want to resemble those people at all, which is understandable and reassuring, but I have never once been completely sexually satisfied (with him or anyone else). I myself don't really understand why I want some of the things that I want, and he often does things that make him uncomfortable to make me happy. I guess I am asking if it is completely abnormal and unhealthy to want to participate in consensual non consent after being raped. I suspect that it is. However, I have had these fantasies since early childhood, and have never been without them. Do you have any recommendations for reaching a middle ground with my partner?
    • Samantha Heuwagen replied:
      Hello! Thank you for stopping by! You know I hear this a lot from the clients I work with and it's hard to navigate but it doesn't have to be. The first thing I thought of since you mentioned your past trauma is why your partner doesn't think you know your own mind or what you want? Your past doesn't have to play a role in what you like sexually, especially if you've done the work to process it. I find it odd they are hesitant. To answer your question about what's normal...I'm afraid I don't believe in normal, but it sounds like you know what you want which is half the battle. You like what you like--there's nothing wrong with that. If it's possible, I think you both might need to see a sex therapist together. That way you have a safe place to explore and process what'g going on for the two of you together in a safe and non-judgmental space. If you live in the Metro Atlanta area, I'd be happy to help. If not feel free to email me so I can help you located a professional in your area. -S
  • Someone asked:
    Hi I have been facing with the problem Erectile Dysfunction for the last 2 years could you please suggest a therapy or medication
    • Samantha Heuwagen replied:
      Hello! Great question, though for your medication and what have you, you'd need to talk to a medical professional. MFTs do not give out medication, though we know enough to help guide, we never suggest doing anything except talking with your doctor. Some therapists, like myself, work with your doctor to find the best option for you, but we can't give you medication. As for therapy, you'd want to work with a sex therapist to help you with tips and tricks to live your best life and get you to where you need to be. If you live in the Atlanta area, please don't hesitate to email me (info@samanthaheuwagen.com) to set up an appointment. If not, please visit psychologytoday.com to get your journey started. Good luck! Samantha
  • Someone asked:
    Hi Samantha! It has been 17 hours since I broke up with my first love. He lost my trust in the past and with coming circumstances, the relationship was no longer viable. I knew that it needed to be done but I just cannot help that it just still hurts so much. It's like you invest so much time and love into a person, thinking that living life without them is impossible, and then one day the impossible becomes possible and you just don't know what to do. It just seems like it doesn't matter what anyone says, the hurt I'm feeling is just always going to linger around. Is there anything I could do other than the typical advices you receive from friends and family?
    • Samantha Heuwagen replied:
      Hello! Thank you for reaching out to me. I'm so sorry to hear about your break-up. I might be repeating a few things your loved ones have said, but as a therapist, I would be concerned you aren't letting yourself feel. You're going to have to feel your feelings––whatever they may be. You'll probably go through so many your head will not only hurt but spin somedays. It's normal, especially until you've processed what happened. It will hurt––it'll hurt like hell––for days, maybe even weeks. I would focus on what you can do in the present. Going to work, being with people who love you, and doing a lot (A LOT) of self-care. If you are still hurting after a couple of weeks, I would suggest working with a professional just to get things off your chest and to process what's happened. You've gone through something that is painful, you're going to have questions and thoughts and intense feelings that your friends and family might not be ready to handle even though they mean well. Talking with a third party that is solely focused on you and your needs, can make this time more bearable. If you need anything further, please do not hesitate to reach out by emailing me. I'd be happy to help in anyway. Good luck and I know you will get through this, Samantha
  • Someone asked:
    Samantha, I feel I’m addicted to the female touch, I’m on a daily bases searching for the perfect massage, erotic, sensual not your everyday massage, no sex.. but NOT your massage parlor type. Easily spending 100’s a month, yes.. married.. no she doesn't know, this is something I can’t get at home.. is this an addiction or just me seeking what I can’t get at home
    • Samantha Heuwagen replied:
      Hello! Thank you so much for reaching out to me. Since you are doing all this behind your partner's back, I would suggest reaching out to a helping professional in your area to explore what's going on. Is it something with you? Or something with your relationship? I'm also concerned you're not giving the massage therapist the respect that professional deserves by not telling them why you go in. It seems like there is guilt associated with the whole thing. If you would like help finding a helping professional in your area, please email: info@samanthaheuwagen.com -S