Therapy, Archives

Fix Your Face, Ask Your Question

Fix Your Face Ask Your Question

How do you help someone wanting to return to their abuser? How do you support and love them through the whole process?

“I’m getting back with my ex,” she told me during session.

I had to use every bit of my strength and compose myself. I thought back to the stories she had told me about him. How he had hit her repeatedly, abused her emotionally, and played such well thought out mind games that she didn’t know if her thoughts were her own any longer. I sat with her in silence.

I knew I only had a short time to really think about my response. Domestic violence isn’t a light matter and it’s my job as a therapist to give the tools to navigate such tumultuous relationships.

This time was different.

I didn’t even know where to start. I didn’t want to ruin the therapeutic relationship by spreading my biases all over the session so I sat in silence for a moment–– one of my favorite interventions.

She stared at me. Her eyes large with anticipation about what I would say or how I would react. She was pleading with me to be on her side, to help her.

Finally, I smiled. “Tell me everything,” I said as lightly as I could. “Tell me how it happened–– I need to know the whole story!”

She let out a sigh of relief.

All week she had dealt with people judging her choice to go back to her abuser, but finally, someone was willing to just talk and process with her without judgement and love her regardless. She opened up about her relationship and what lead to the reconnection. She spoke freely working through her emotions and processing that even though he wanted to get back together, she wasn’t so sure. She, herself, outlined what she wanted to see happen and that she better understood her needs and desires in and out of the relationship. She had the confidence and tools to navigate this new situation. Now, she had a teammate to work through the process of living and surviving domestic violence.

*If you or a loved on is experiencing domestic violence or sexual assault please contact DomesticViolenceShelters.org or Safe Help Line to get assistance. For therapeutic services in your area, please visit: http://aspenmt.org/