Relationships are hard work. There are a lot of moving pieces and life throws a lot at us––usually all at once. Plus, all the misconceptions about love and healthy relationships, it really makes for one wild ride.

First, take a breath and a step back. Ask, what is going on inside me? How am I a part of what’s going on? Has something happened recently that caused you or your partner(s) to back away and potentially disconnect? Looking for these answers can help you navigate moving forward.

From there decide if the way forward is figuring out your stuff or if your partner should be part of the journey, too. Sometimes our own worries and stress can cloud our judgement. Making space for us to take out our frustrations on the people we love most. If that’s the case, letting vulnerability in may help you understand what’s really going on, inside and outside of the relationship.

Second, decide if couples (s e x) therapy is right for you. Working with a helping professional will allow both parties to explore what’s going on in a safe, calm, open way.

Therapy will also allow you to reconnect, explore, and rediscover each other in new and exciting ways (perhaps in the bedroom and beyond).

Just because we feel disconnected from a partner, doesn’t mean anything is wrong. Doesn’t mean that it’s life or death. Or that we’re facing the end of our relationship. It’s a wake up call and an opportunity to grow together as a partnership.