Therapy, Sex, Relationships, Feminism

You Want A Date? 8 Tips to Finding Your Groove

You Want A Date? 8 Tips to Finding Your Groove


You’re young, you’re interested in dating and want to meet a lot of new people because you can and you want to see what works best for you in a relationship.

I applaud you, my friend!  But first let me tell you how…

No, wait.

I won’t tell you what to do because it’s your life and your dating style shouldn’t be dictated by anyone but you. I will tell you, my dear, if you listen to mysogynistic bloggers like, Erica Gordon, you won’t get to live your most authentic life nor will you find someone that loves and appreciates the real, honest you!

Ms. Gordon may have written the sexist piece, 8 Ways You’re Killing a Guy’s Interest and Don’t Even Realize It, but she doesn’t know how mistaken she is or how she is in fact hurting women. We already don’t have a lot of power in this world to begin with, then why take away the ability to date on top of everything?

So this is my “good God don’t listen to this crap” follow up. Yes it’s heteronormative, please forgive me. I am simply trying to dispel these sexists tips for a more feminist and equal dating opportunity.

1.) “You started pursuing him.” Great! You know what you want and you’re not afraid to go after it! It might not work out but at least you tried, girl.

2.) “You agreed to a night in too early.” I don’t even know what this means. Netflix and pizza could be a really fun date! “He used to take you out to cool restaurants and bars, but now he’s stopped planning dates like that.” The fuck? Girl, you have a brain and an imagination- plan a date! Relationships are built on teamwork. Work together to get creative!

3.) “You slept with him too soon.” There was consent involved. You were BOTH interested in doing le sex, so what’s the problem? Don’t slut shame, it’s not cute. Ever. #GetIt

4.) “You showed all your cards.” Again, the fuck? Aren’t you supposed to get to know each other? If he doesn’t like your “cards,” hot damn! On to the next!

5.) “You’re overly attentive to his needs.” I hate to admit it, but this one is OK. You have your own life too, girl. I understand, we get excited, but sometimes we loose sight of ourselves. There should be balance in and out of the relationship.

6.) “You don’t have high enough standards.” OK maybe they aren’t! Who cares? Not everyone is going to work with you and how will you know what your standards are without shopping around? Yet, you need to know what you deserve and what your nonnegotiables are and how to speak up to get your needs met. Confidence is always sexy, girl.

7.) “You’re complacent.” Always make sure you are having your needs met. You deserve the world and don’t settle for less. If you are worried about scaring him away, you need to reevaluate this relationship. Is this what you want? Why do you want to be afraid to speak up to your partner? I think it’s time for some soul searching.

8.) “You never give him a time-out.” I can’t anymore… The fuck?

Leave a Reply